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I have not written in some time. I have wanted to, but could not find the inspiration. I woke up this morning to a revelation. I almost died last year on this day. I recalled the moment I felt myself falling to the floor in the bathroom stall at work. I recalled the first time, I ever felt real fear. I recalled the first time in my life, I was truly afraid. I was unable to think. I was unable to process. I was in, complete and total pain. I awoke on the bathroom stall.

Throughout this day, it has been on the forefront of my mind. Throughout the day, I have thought of little else. Throughout the day, I have remembered how God saved me. Throughout the day, I have thought about how I shared so little about the experience or the experiences since the post that follows, which is an excerpt from my book I wrote in 2010.

I would like to say, it was eye opening. I would like to say, it was something I never expected. I would like to say, so much. But, there is so much that has transpired that mere words would not fully do it justice.

Yet, I feel better than I ever have. I feel like myself again. I feel alive. I feel hopeful. I feel free. I feel grateful. I released so much negativity today that had been strangling me for so long. I opened up and let the truth speak for itself. I held no punches. I held nothing in reserve. I simply told the truth.

I wrote about a journey, and God saw fit to not only deliver it, but see me through it.

In one-week’s time, I will be in my own place for the first time in fifteen years. I am excited.

I have been through the wringer. Yet, I do not look like what came at me. I do not look like what I lived with. I do not look like what I had hanging on my back or around my next. I look good. I feel good. And, by the grace of God, I am good!

And, ready for the next segment of my journey. I am completely and totally free from the tainted yoke and spirit that has hung around my very being for the last fifteen years.

Journeys

August 15, 2010

Many Journeys begin without even a clue of possibility or awareness a journey has even begun.  People wake up one day and walk out into the world to see two diverting paths.    It is your journey.

Down one path is a light of spectrum hope and renewal of life.  It appears to contain a sense of peace.  It appears to recognize the truth in life of this moment.  It appears to treat the journeymen as a welcomed addition.  It appears.    It is your journey.

Down the other path is a dark gloomy cloud road of silence.  It beckons the quite morning air.  It is a place where most look for God and find themselves.  It is a place opposite of what is expected when things are least expected.  It is, because he is, and we are who he called us to be.  It is your journey.

It is a journey of love, hope, joy, despair, prosperity, and much more than anyone one person could truly comprehend or undertake without a guiding force.  It is a journey meant to build character.  It is a journey meant to strengthen your mind.  It is a journey meant to fortify your body.  It is a journey meant to bring you into your destiny and out of your past.  It is a journey of where your dreams are realized and your hopes are fulfilled.  It is your journey.

In life we go through many journeys.  Some of them are pleasant.  Some of them of joyous until the bottom drops, the roof caves in, and the wall come tumbling down.  It is a life full of mystery and a heart full of missed chances and second time romances.  It is a place of peace in the midst of a storm and the place of joy in the day of celebration.  It is a journey you pray ends understanding the next one is set to begin.    It is your journey.

My life has been filled with many journeys.  Some have brought joy.  Many have held pain.  A few have been a part of you, a few a part of me, and a few a part of Dawn.  Yet, in them all I am what I could have never been without being tossed into the sea, so I could learn how to swim.  It is said only the strong survive.  I wonder if they understood this truth:

My strength is defined by my character.

My strength is recognized in my walk.

My strength is confirmed by my actions.

My strength is solidified by my beliefs.

My strength is renewed in each victory.

My strength is displayed in my features.

My strength is controlled by the Creator.

My strength is acknowledged by what you see and not what you hear.

My strength is me and it is a part of you, because each person we touch can either add too or subtract from what we are.  It is your journey.

Be careful in who you allow into your life.  In my journey I realized one thing that carries me through each day.  True strengthen comes from those closes to you who remain with you in spite of what they see or what they hear.  They become a part of your journey.  They become a part of you.  They become a part of me.  They become, because you are within me.  Yet, how do we define what is you and what is me.    It is your journey.

I stopped trusting in this last journey for a spell.  I stopped listening to outside influences for a time.  I stopped acknowledging misspoken truths and half spoken lies.  I listened with my heart.  I listened with my Spirit.  I listened with my mind.  I listened to the beat of the drum in my body and the sensation in my tongue.  I listened to anything, but everything.  I listened to who I wanted to be instead of who they stated I was not to become.  I simply listened.  He heard.  She responded.  They came through.  Who came out is still a work in progress, but I am enjoying the work and the steady growth coming through with it in each passing day.    It is your journey.

I have gone through life without a care.  I have learned to recognize why this matters and why you should care.  At every step you take a new person comes into your life.  They bring with them their own set of issues.  They bring with them their own set of historical challenges in life.  They either deposit something with you or take away from you.  Sometimes they do both.  It is your journey, but most are never taken alone.

This is my life.  I await my future.  I have brief thoughts of my past, but greater hope in my present, because my future holds the key to who God has prepared me, to be in spite of who I appeared as before.  I am his child, but I am also his fruit.  It is my journey, but I share the road if you are able to help carry the load.  It becomes our journey.

So riddle me this…if you began a journey alone and you find a team along the way, would you keep the fruit or keep the lessons.  I choose to keep who I am and what I learned from within by becoming close to my heart of who we are and who we should all be in you. It has become our journey, you, me, and us.

EYHCS

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The  ”Reflection: The One Year Anniversary of My Would Be Death!” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

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Day 227: Reflection – The One Year Anniversary of My Would Be Death!