Sometimes you have to remove your presence without removing your impression.
Sometimes you have to remove your presence without removing your impression.
I posted recently to my Facebook Community page regarding forcing yourself to let go of the memories and situations still causing you pain long after the event has ended. Many people engaged with the post. Which brings me here.
The human condition is self-persevering. We are all flawed in one way or another. Some of us have done the work and know our greatest flaws. For us, we work to minimize the adverse impact of these human internal defects on others.
There are those of us oblivious to our character defects. We are the most dangerous because we inflict pain on others completely unaware of the negative impact we leave on their lives and our own lives further perpetuating the cycle of pain.
Then there are those within our population who know our impact but inflict pain regardless as a way to reclaim what they believe has been taken from them. These are our narcissistic sociopaths. Beware of them, the blame is almost always external.
However, regardless of the type of person we encounter, the path forward is the same. Cut the anchor cord. No one and I repeat, there is no one capable of hindering your purpose, your happiness, your joy, or your peace unless you allow it. Sometimes our brains attempt to make a connection to a new situation because it resembles a past experience. Listen to it and do not assume it’s about the past situation.
For some, I recognize when I speak or write it comes off as aloof. However, that’s because you’re looking at the cake and not the ingredients and prep time it took to make the cake.
Getting to a place where nothing phases you requires purposeful, dedicated, and long-suffering actions to reach the place I often write from. This is not an overnight enlightenment. You can’t put it in a microwave and expect all to be well in two minutes and fifteen seconds. You have to do the work. And, you have to be honest. I mean completely honest. Honest about your part. Honest about their part. Honest about your true feelings about it all. Then and only then can you start to remove the bricks from your heart, your mind, and your soul.
I pray for peace on the reader of this post. You are strong. You are powerful. You control your thoughts or your thoughts will control you.
Be blessed and do the work.
I had to become attached so I could detached.
I had to let go of what held me back, before I could receive what called me forward.
I let those misconceived ideas fall by the wayside.
I let those preconceived opinions sail into the abyss.
I let it go.
I let it be.
For I knew I was born free.
For I knew I would be again.
I simply let it go.
And, I simply let it be.
How do you balance a public profile being a private person? I’m writing while I’m thinking, because the subject often comes up, especially, as a blog writer.
Often the stories, poems, and prose are not even about me. But sometimes they are. Other times they are about parts of me or the people I see if that makes sense. Whatever the true subject or objective, the words used to express or describe are indeed mine. So, however, I dress it up, essentially, they are subjectively about something connected to me.
On a personal note, I keep everything close to the vest. I rarely disclose personal details about my life, my friends, my plans, or my family (directly). I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. If I do, then that means you’ve earned a level of trust somewhere in my mind and heart. A level that says similar to how I treat those who share their lives with me, you’re not going to go and shout what I say from the mountaintop. I cherish these relationships because they are difficult to find and hard to keep.
I’d liked to say this originated when I first heard the story of Zachariah in Bible school pre-adolescent, and subconsciously, it may have. However, I’m not convinced that’s true.
I’ve watched people over the years and in watching them, I’ve learned a great deal about boundaries. Everyone’s boundaries are different and I like to keep mine like a fortress at times, if not all the time. The problem I learned about living in a fortress is when you need help, it’s hard for help to find a way in. So the almighty and I struck a balance. He places people in my life I know I can trust and confirms their placement by their actions. It has been working thus far.
I’m sure I’ve been burned in the past, but that’s not what this is about. I am also an artist as I previously wrote earlier in this written dialogue currently happening in my head. And the craft of an artist is extremely public and often very personal. Whether the craft envelopes the artist’s personal challenges, triumphs, or something in between the content is almost always raw.
Thus my actual personal life, I like to keep personal and private. Not necessary a secret, but definitely private.
I had an encounter today with a friend girl of mine who innocently indirectly shared a personal component of my life on a public platform. She was only providing encouragement. Encouragement, I greatly appreciated. However, upon having a quick conversation she quickly understood and respected my wishes that I’d rather not have certain components of my life publicly discussed or commented on overtly. I am grateful for that and for her because others might have misinterpreted my call for discretion. And, turned a molehill into a mountain.
Said interaction brought me back to this confession moment. I regularly share my thoughts, experiences, and beliefs on an array of subjects on my blog and on my community Facebook page. I do so willingly and without reservation. Mainly, in hopes, it liberates someone secretly struggling with similar issues. If my transparency can save a life, provide hope, or simply let someone in the universe know they are not alone, then it’s worth it!
We live in a society where fear, shame, emotional distress, and emotional pain are bottled up until they blow up. So I write to let others know, they are indeed not alone, and most of what we battle are temporary distractions. If my public artist heart can save one soul then the open declarations are worth it every time.
Having said that, I was raised in the church. More specifically, I was raised in a church where every Sunday before communion the Pastor would call all those who had “sinned” during the week up to confess their sins one-by-one into the microphone, publicly, in accordance with our church doctrine before the entire church body. Sometimes these lines were ten to fifteen people deep. And, even after confessing their “sins”, they would each have to stand before the church before he prayed for them out loud about their specific “sin” before they were allowed to be seated.
This practice struck me as odd and invasive. Yet, for 18 years I watched the same people, week after week form a line down the right aisle waiting to be redeemed before as a church body, we could take communion. The practice troubled me, but it was tradition and it was not until years later I would experience something different, so I watched in silence week after week, month after month, and year after year until I was 18th and no longer required to attend church. Did my need for personal privacy stem from this, who knows? But, I do know I had my own silent struggles, I never felt comfortable sharing because of this practice and they followed me into adulthood.
So there was always an invisible shield on my internal thoughts for most of my life. I’m not saying I was muted but definitely guarded. And as luck would have it, for good reasons at times. So it’s rare and special when I really can be truly open on a personal level. I’m not harboring dark secrets. I just enjoy the sanctity of my personal life remaining personal.
Still seeking the right balance between publicly transparent and privately personal.
Who is she?
What does she like?
Who does she like?
What does she want?
When does she want it?
Where did she pivot?
Why did she evolve?
How would you know?
When was the last time you spent any time learning the answers?
Your relationship with self is a mirrored image of your relationship with God the universe.
If you rely on others to cultivate your worth, what happens when their view changes?
Sometimes it’s not as much about the reason as it is about the season.
I love cooking metaphors.
When the cake rises, take the cake out of the oven.
The oven has served its purpose and if you leave the cake in too long, it will burn.
Now that the cake is out, let it cool, and turn the oven off.
We often spend so much time and energy analyzing the reason a season has ended, instead of enjoying the fruits of the decision bringing it to completion.
🥂 🍰 🍽
The cake is done.
Cut the cake.
Eat the cake.
Share the cake.
Or save pieces of the cake for later, but the key is – the cake is done regardless of the steps taken to make it rise.
The reason may satisfy some embedded curiosity, but it will not un-bake the cake.
When it becomes too much, I release what I have observed.
I release what I have noticed.
I release what I have felt.
I release what I have heard.
I release what does not belong to me.
It is the only way I can truly remain free.
Thus, I must let it be.
For the branches of this tree are not for me.
I recognize, I was the witness and not the participant.
This is why I love the story of Jesus. An unknown child from a perceived unknown town. Grows up with an unknown identity. And is revealed to be the known savior.
Poked and prodded he hung on a cross. The unknown savior was not shocked at their behavior. Yet, his resolve never wavered.
For he knew he had embedded favor.
Close the door.
Shut the blinds.
This is a sign it’s time to unwind.
Focus on the obstacle.
Notice how the air moves around it.
Seek it’s tender side.
Calm the noise.
Inhale the purpose.
Exhale the excuse.
Feel your heart beat.
See the obstacle move.
Watch the path clear.
Now, you know you have nothing to fear.
For victory is near.
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The search engine of your soul doesn’t need a wildcard. It needs you.
When you search Google, you receive a list of results.
When you search God in you, you receive a list of solutions.
Listen to it all. Shift the wheat. Then retreat. Prepare yourself for the big meet and greet. Now you’re playing for keeps. Choreography your beats. Take your time to unwind. You have a reserved seat.
It will become what you make of it.
It was worth every step.
Not the image of who I hoped to be.
But the reality of who I am.
Every rock overturned.
Every stone moved aside.
The madness of self-discovery begins with self-forgiveness.
Forgiveness for who I thought I was.
Forgiveness for who I really am.
Forgiveness for who I portrayed you to be.
Forgiveness for who you painted me to be.
The wary traveler finally found a home.
And, it isn’t under a glass snow-filled dome.
My canvas is a masterpiece.
The colors collide.
The scenery pops.
No one gets the chance to draw lots.
Yes, I’ve traveled through madness to find me.
In exactly the place I needed to be.
I am now truly set free.
There is no dream, goal, idea, person, relationship, job, or career worth losing your identity over.
Lost is painful. It seeps into the crevices of your heart. It waffles over tender memories. But pain lessens over time and in some cases over distance. Give the emotion an opportunity to dissipate and yourself the opportunity to heal.
People would miss you even if you feel they wouldn’t. Besides, the biggest loser is the one convinced they have nothing left to lose… You!
Prove your greatest critic wrong. One more time.
I double dog dare you!
Signed the Voice You Should Be Listening To,
2017’s curtain is about to close. Make sure it closes the door on your misconceived limitations of self and God. If God is for us, who then can be against us? No one! (Romans 8:31) If God lives in us and through us what can we not accomplish? Nothing! (John 15:5)
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