Confession Moment #8: A Post Like No Other – My Heart is Heavy


My heart is heavy, today.  I initially wanted to write my typical reflective thought post generated  by a beautiful photo I plucked from Indulgy.  I wanted to deliver solace for my own troubled soul.  I wanted to write a post for the brokenness I see in the world spewed across the news channels everyday.  I wanted to write a post for the deceitful intentions of others, I have experienced in my very short life on this Earth.  I wanted to write a post for the pain of all those who suffer in silence daily, as I have in the past and to let them know it really does get better.

I wanted to write a post for everyone dealing with the realization we live in a society where children go hungry daily while society blames their parents for living below the poverty line; where we can send several groups of soldiers to war, but cannot raise the minimum wage to a living wage; where politician grow richer and the poor grow poorer; where families are being destroyed for foolish reasons or stupid decisions; where color-focused police officers pull single black mothers out of their car  in the dark hours of the night with their terrified children in tow, because, after all, we all look alike, even when we do not; where Latinos are being excluded from the all-inclusive America, because they were born on the wrong side of the border; where every few decades we find ourselves fighting another civil rights battle (Japanese, Chinese, Irish, Polish, Indians, African Americans (Blacks), Hispanics, gays, lesbians, bi-sexual, transgender); where the uneducated are marginalized even more than their ancestors were, creating a circular system of poverty (slaves, migrant workers, working class); where the educated are becoming the new poverty class (student loan debt) and unable to find those jobs promised to them as they continually signed their life away each semester; where the total breakdown of our society seems to go unnoticed by far too many people; where another black dead face on the news at the hands of an official or frighten civilian is no longer news, but a sad expectation for other black faces; where we speak of Jesus and then act as Barnabas; where we spend more time on Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, or Twitter than contemplating our civic duties as Americans of these Great United States; where our minds are so convoluted the truth is difficult to ascertain even when faced with the hard reality we got it all wrong; where I am so disgusted with the placating mindset of our society, I could not write one of those truly colorful, thought provoking, rosy, or uber-spiritual post, even if my God would allow it.

I really wanted to write that post today.  I wanted to write that post, because at my core, my God created me to speak, enlighten, encourage, provide solace, and live out his life on Earth as he prescribed long before land separated from water.  God knows I wanted to write such a post today.  God knows if I were not so utterly disgusted with a Godly people acting so ungodly, I could have written such a post.  It hurts my heart to write so brutally today.  For those who know me, have known me, who will know me, who have experienced my friendship, my warm smile, or my laughter will understand more than anyone else how much this post pains me.  It pains me, because it requires I step out of my overly optimistic worldview and into the world I see, today.

While this particular post is darker in nature than anything I have ever written for the public eye, it is the Truth I see.  I am simply tired of seeing the same stories, conversations, and total lack of concern for our fellow man, woman, and child.  My writing is therapeutic and the writer in me would not remain silent.   It helps me prepare to run the race another day. After so much needed time with God after work this morning, he reminded me of the journey God has taken me on, specifically over the last four or five years.  I am grateful for the new eyesight.  I am grateful for the silent prayers you sent my way.  I am grateful for the helping hand you offered even when I was too raw to receive it.  I am eternally grateful, because on my balcony this morning, God showed me, “he really does know the plan he has prepared for me and his plan is perfect, his plan is not meant to harm me, his plan is meant to rise up a nation of people brave enough to write such a post their former self would have never written, out of fear of exposure”.

For those of you in the battle of your life, remember, rather you believe in God or not, someone or something kept you from the fate your choices or actions should have brought death upon you, instead of life.

Be kind to each other, we never know when the person we throw stones at might be the same person God sent to help you out of a situation you had no business being in, in the first place.  Be kind to each other, because we do live in a country rich in history of people fighting for one another across all lines.  Be kind to each other, because someone was kind to you when you least deserved it.  Be kind to each other, because no matter how much money and power you have today, it could all be gone tomorrow, and what would you have, but each other.  Simply be kind to each other.

I close this confession moment with a poem I wrote during my stint in Beijing, China on 2011/07/30.

A Moment of Reflection

A period of redirection

Living in a world of change

Living on an unknown range

I felt a close hand on my shoulder

I felt my spirit grow older

Wishing for a human caress

Wishing for God to give me rest

A journey revived

A path of hope against the divide

I knew the story would end

I knew my fate would end

Yet to walk in your shoes of love

The answer must come from above.

I walked out of captivity with arms stretched out wide

The sky opened up as heaven’s charms rolled down to shower me in its tide

Thank you for a word from the wise

Knowing you saw through the lies.

The beauty of your broke through

The enigma making my reality true.

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Based on a work at Indulgy.com (image only).
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