Confession Moment #10: An Artist Heart with a Personal Dilemma


How do you balance a public profile being a private person? I’m writing while I’m thinking, because the subject often comes up, especially, as a blog writer.

Often the stories, poems, and prose are not even about me. But sometimes they are. Other times they are about parts of me or the people I see if that makes sense. Whatever the true subject or objective, the words used to express or describe are indeed mine. So, however, I dress it up, essentially, they are subjectively about something connected to me.

On a personal note, I keep everything close to the vest. I rarely disclose personal details about my life, my friends, my plans, or my family (directly). I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. If I do, then that means you’ve earned a level of trust somewhere in my mind and heart. A level that says similar to how I treat those who share their lives with me, you’re not going to go and shout what I say from the mountaintop. I cherish these relationships because they are difficult to find and hard to keep.

I’d liked to say this originated when I first heard the story of Zachariah in Bible school pre-adolescent, and subconsciously, it may have. However, I’m not convinced that’s true.

I’ve watched people over the years and in watching them, I’ve learned a great deal about boundaries. Everyone’s boundaries are different and I like to keep mine like a fortress at times, if not all the time. The problem I learned about living in a fortress is when you need help, it’s hard for help to find a way in. So the almighty and I struck a balance. He places people in my life I know I can trust and confirms their placement by their actions. It has been working thus far.

I’m sure I’ve been burned in the past, but that’s not what this is about. I am also an artist as I previously wrote earlier in this written dialogue currently happening in my head. And the craft of an artist is extremely public and often very personal. Whether the craft envelopes the artist’s personal challenges, triumphs, or something in between the content is almost always raw.

Thus my actual personal life, I like to keep personal and private. Not necessary a secret, but definitely private.

I had an encounter today with a friend girl of mine who innocently indirectly shared a personal component of my life on a public platform. She was only providing encouragement. Encouragement, I greatly appreciated. However, upon having a quick conversation she quickly understood and respected my wishes that I’d rather not have certain components of my life publicly discussed or commented on overtly. I am grateful for that and for her because others might have misinterpreted my call for discretion. And, turned a molehill into a mountain.

Said interaction brought me back to this confession moment. I regularly share my thoughts, experiences, and beliefs on an array of subjects on my blog and on my community Facebook page. I do so willingly and without reservation. Mainly, in hopes, it liberates someone secretly struggling with similar issues. If my transparency can save a life, provide hope, or simply let someone in the universe know they are not alone, then it’s worth it!

We live in a society where fear, shame, emotional distress, and emotional pain are bottled up until they blow up. So I write to let others know, they are indeed not alone, and most of what we battle are temporary distractions. If my public artist heart can save one soul then the open declarations are worth it every time.

Having said that, I was raised in the church. More specifically, I was raised in a church where every Sunday before communion the Pastor would call all those who had “sinned” during the week up to confess their sins one-by-one into the microphone, publicly, in accordance with our church doctrine before the entire church body. Sometimes these lines were ten to fifteen people deep. And, even after confessing their “sins”, they would each have to stand before the church before he prayed for them out loud about their specific “sin” before they were allowed to be seated.

This practice struck me as odd and invasive. Yet, for 18 years I watched the same people, week after week form a line down the right aisle waiting to be redeemed before as a church body, we could take communion. The practice troubled me, but it was tradition and it was not until years later I would experience something different, so I watched in silence week after week, month after month, and year after year until I was 18th and no longer required to attend church. Did my need for personal privacy stem from this, who knows? But, I do know I had my own silent struggles, I never felt comfortable sharing because of this practice and they followed me into adulthood.

So there was always an invisible shield on my internal thoughts for most of my life. I’m not saying I was muted but definitely guarded. And as luck would have it, for good reasons at times. So it’s rare and special when I really can be truly open on a personal level. I’m not harboring dark secrets. I just enjoy the sanctity of my personal life remaining personal.

Still seeking the right balance between publicly transparent and privately personal.

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“Confession Moment #10: An Artist Heart with a Personal Dilemma” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

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Day 323: Coordinated Elevation


You ever feel yourself shift. I am not referring to a physical movement, but a metaphysical one. It happens when the dots literally and figuratively start connecting almost imperceptibly.

One seemingly insignificant event propels you into action. Each subsequent action confirms the previous one. And, then it happens, coordinated elevation.

It is in that moment your vision expands and your knowledge awakens. Like a well-oiled machine, you began to level up. The shifting is so smooth, it’s almost imperceptible. Yet, your spiritual awareness allows you see the navigation happening as you move pass each level.

The skies open, the band plays, and the performers sings, it’s shifting time. Get ready, get ready, get ready!

If you haven’t trained your metaphysical being, you will miss it! If you have, your bags are already packed! So, lace-up your cross fits & enjoy the fruits of your labor.

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Day 61: Toxicity – A Call to Break Free and Break Out


toxicity

Toxicity is a state of mind.

Toxicity is a state of being.

Toxicity is a plague of the heart.

Toxicity is a plague of the mind.

Toxicity eats away at the beauty in our society.

Toxicity eats away at the good in our society.

Toxicity is an environmental condition.

Toxicity is rooted in the core of hatred, pain, disease, famine, war, strife, consternation, and so much more.

Toxicity destroys life.

Toxicity debilitates spirits.

Toxicity ruins homes.

Toxicity separates families.

Toxicity exists, because we fail to recognize the signs of its formation.

Toxicity exists, because we fail to stand up and speak out when it rears up in our hearts.

Toxicity can only thrive, if we allow it to grow.

Toxicity can only spread, if we allow it to breathe.

Toxicity can only exist, where love is not.

Toxicity can only exist, where faith is not.

Toxicity can only exist, where hope is not.

Toxicity can only exist, where peace is not.

Toxicity can only exist, where truth is not.

Toxicity is the cause of shame.

Toxicity is the cause of pain.

Toxicity is the cause of bondage.

Toxicity is the cause of breakage.

There is no toxicity in perfect love.

There is no toxicity in perfect peace.

If you are shame, move away from the cause of your shame.

If you are in pain, move away from the cause of your pain.

If you are in bondage, get away from the things bonding you.

If you are in breakage, get away from the things breaking you.

Simply get out, stay out, and never return to a state or condition of toxicity!

EYHCS

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Day 25 – Is it Really the People?


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If people are constantly coming at you with complaints about you, issues with your performance, issues with your work ethic, issues with your level of productivity…it might be time to reevaluate yourself and not the people. In other words, stop whining.

EYHCS

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Day 14 – The Liver, The Kidney, The Heart, and The Brain: A Personal Ode to the Innards of My Life Force


Property of Dreamstime

In a earlier post I discussed my new fascination with dirt and innards. In this post, I will focus on the true nature of innards.

Intro

Innards are at the core of all things organs. Organs support the life-cycle of all living creatures. Organs need access to oxygen through the body’s vascular system. The source of the oxygen stems from the nutrients contained within the blood flowing through each vascular nerve.

Tainted blood also taints the life-cycle of all organs the blood comes into contact with as it travels throughout the body. In some cases, a blood transfusion or organ transplant maybe required to replenish, repair, or replace organs damaged by tainted blood. Once an organ has met an attack it receive extra care for a minimal of six months to five years, if not for a lifetime.

The Liver, The Kidney, The Heart, and The Brain: A Personal Ode to the Innards of My Life Force

The most common organs under attack include the liver, the kidney, and the heart. Each of these organs is responsible for cleaning the body of waste in one form or another. The all-powerful heart controls the speed and amount of blood flowing to and fro every organ in a living creature. There are four main chambers to the heart and all work together to keep us alive.

We rarely give thought to how we condition our heart as we grab a Big Mac and large fries, chain smoke those two or three packs of cigarette in a day or so, or create havoc everywhere we go by the swords we throw in the direction of the unexpected receiver of our angst and anger. We rarely give a second thought to the organs pumping life into us each and every millisecond of our lives on Earth as we spend countless dollars on the new trend of the hour. We rarely stop or pause to check the state of our innards even though they call out for us . The sharp pain in our chest is waved off with a finger as we pick up the next greasy sandwich. Or, the stabbing needle in our side as we jump up too quick from bed, forget about praying or thanking someone for another day, we mutter as we headed out the door. All the mundane things can wait for when I have more time. Our innards calls continual go unanswered until we cannot move at all.

Oh, let’s not forget the banging in our heads as we scream at the people we love and curse out the people we profess to love, but not like. Yes, it is me, proclaims the brain. I matter too. Did you think I would forget the one who holds the secrets of the past, present, and future of our very soul? Never, my brain knows me better than I know myself. How much better would we be if we fed our brains knowledge, power, peace, understanding, love, and all the things sweet dreams are made of, instead of the hate and garbage of our tattered society?

Sure we complain about the state of our economy, the state of our marriages, the state of our personal net worth, the state of our financial net worth, the state of all things we have the ability to change, if we change the way we treat the innards of our life force. Successful people rarely complain about their circumstances, because they devise strategic action plans to change or work around the obstacles in their path to victory. Powerful people are often the silent ones moving behind the scene quietly moving bishops and pawns into action as the king reaps the benefits. Successful and powerful people watch their life cycle and life force through a steady diet of truth, honest, and nutritious living. They feed their livers water for the soul. They feed their kidneys proteins and fiber to promote the cleansing cycle of their earthly vessels. They feed their hearts love and exercise to strengthen the engine of their life force. They feed their brains with positive affirmations to bolster their minds for the challenges ahead. They feed their innards and so their innards feed them the best life has to offer. When their innards call it is to say thank you instead of a call for help.

If you are still battling imaginary enemies, if you are still battling a systematic wall of never enough, if you are still battling sickness of the mind, the heart, or the soul, ask yourself one serious, honest, and non-judgmental question. What are you feeding the innards of the only life force you have?

EYHCS

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Day 9 – Contradiction


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Contradicting your younger self when you are older shows growth. Contradicting your older self while you are still young shows forethought. Contradicting your present self as you are speaking about your current situation invalidates your credibility to yourself and others. When you are faced with competing ideas in your mind, allow them to battle each other until only one position remains.

Then and only then, will you retain credibility and respect.

EYHCS

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Day 275 – Boiling Point


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Everyone has a boiling point.   There is some obscure inane object, person, or situation capable of transitioning even the most nurturing person to simply boil over.  There is a place in each of us capable of volcanic activity.  There is a place in each of us few people will ever know or fully understand.  There is a place in each of us hidden from the world.  There is a place in each of us, once ignited is difficult to squelch.  There is a place in us wrought with internal flames waiting for just the right igniting.  It is a place, I pray you never find.  It is a place where both life and destruction occur.  It is a place dreams form and break.  It is a place hope is lost and found.  It is a place like no other.  Your boiling point is a place of solace and solitude.  It is in this place reality meets faith.  It is in this place your walk becomes who you profess outwardly and inwardly.  It is a place we avoid, but on occasion should visit at least once, to understand this one truth.  Your boiling point is not your breaking point.  Your boiling point is your restore point.  Your boiling point is an indicator telling you it is time to reevaluate your defenses and fortify your household.

Are you in the boiling point or fortification stage?

What are your plans going forward?

Are you willing to risk it all for what lies ahead?

Can you let go of it all for what rests on the other side?

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Day 269 – Meditation Series: Grocery List


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Consider the grocery list of your heart.  Now ponder the words from your mouth’s grocery basket.  Most often what you place in your heart eventually travels to the storage of your stomach.  The aroma will seep out your mouth.  Oh what a blessing it would be and a gift to self to check our heart’s grocery list before preparing dinner for others?  If I check my plate, I have less time to devour yours.

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Day 243 – This Would Be the Year


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It was just yesterday, I celebrated the New Year.

It was just yesterday, I thought about how pregnant the New Year appeared.

It was just yesterday, I imagined a new beginning.

It was just yesterday, I surmised this would be the year.

The year for new promises fulfilled.

The year for new hopes realized.

The year for new challenges defeated.

The year for new opportunities revealed.

In just one year, it all came together.

In just one year, it all made sense.

In just one year, it all came full circle.

In just one year, the light came on, the stars shined, the moon glowed, and the Lord spoke. “this would be the year of promises fulfilled, of new hopes realized, of new challenges defeated, and of new opportunities revealed”.

And, then, he made it happen.

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Day 235 – I Gave It All For You…


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God created a world full of his mysterious glory.

Yet, we find fault with it all.

Even ourselves.

Stop blaming God for your failure to see.

Blame yourself for failure to listen.

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Day 234 – Courageous Soul


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Most people fail out of fear of losing those close to them unwilling to travel along beside them or lead the way.

Choose your own destiny before someone chooses it for you,

leaving you behind and out.

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Day 226 – Assimilation


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Assimilation is a five dollar word meant to strip you of your uniqueness, your purpose, and your power.

 

 

 

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Day 218 – The Great Debaters


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I love the movie, “The Great Debaters” for its most commonly known mantra of “We do what we have to do in order to do what we want to do”.

 

I believe this is true about everything in life.

 

 

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Day 183 – We


Inside

As a species, we create chaos.

As a culture, we repeat mistakes.

As a people, we destroy each other.

As a race, we learn from one another.

As a community, we realize, greater is the power in me, than the power we see.

 

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Day 182 – Likeness


Butterfly

Believe the impossible.

Live through the unbearable.

For my likeness dwells within you.

 

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