Confession Moment #10: An Artist Heart with a Personal Dilemma


How do you balance a public profile being a private person? I’m writing while I’m thinking, because the subject often comes up, especially, as a blog writer.

Often the stories, poems, and prose are not even about me. But sometimes they are. Other times they are about parts of me or the people I see if that makes sense. Whatever the true subject or objective, the words used to express or describe are indeed mine. So, however, I dress it up, essentially, they are subjectively about something connected to me.

On a personal note, I keep everything close to the vest. I rarely disclose personal details about my life, my friends, my plans, or my family (directly). I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. If I do, then that means you’ve earned a level of trust somewhere in my mind and heart. A level that says similar to how I treat those who share their lives with me, you’re not going to go and shout what I say from the mountaintop. I cherish these relationships because they are difficult to find and hard to keep.

I’d liked to say this originated when I first heard the story of Zachariah in Bible school pre-adolescent, and subconsciously, it may have. However, I’m not convinced that’s true.

I’ve watched people over the years and in watching them, I’ve learned a great deal about boundaries. Everyone’s boundaries are different and I like to keep mine like a fortress at times, if not all the time. The problem I learned about living in a fortress is when you need help, it’s hard for help to find a way in. So the almighty and I struck a balance. He places people in my life I know I can trust and confirms their placement by their actions. It has been working thus far.

I’m sure I’ve been burned in the past, but that’s not what this is about. I am also an artist as I previously wrote earlier in this written dialogue currently happening in my head. And the craft of an artist is extremely public and often very personal. Whether the craft envelopes the artist’s personal challenges, triumphs, or something in between the content is almost always raw.

Thus my actual personal life, I like to keep personal and private. Not necessary a secret, but definitely private.

I had an encounter today with a friend girl of mine who innocently indirectly shared a personal component of my life on a public platform. She was only providing encouragement. Encouragement, I greatly appreciated. However, upon having a quick conversation she quickly understood and respected my wishes that I’d rather not have certain components of my life publicly discussed or commented on overtly. I am grateful for that and for her because others might have misinterpreted my call for discretion. And, turned a molehill into a mountain.

Said interaction brought me back to this confession moment. I regularly share my thoughts, experiences, and beliefs on an array of subjects on my blog and on my community Facebook page. I do so willingly and without reservation. Mainly, in hopes, it liberates someone secretly struggling with similar issues. If my transparency can save a life, provide hope, or simply let someone in the universe know they are not alone, then it’s worth it!

We live in a society where fear, shame, emotional distress, and emotional pain are bottled up until they blow up. So I write to let others know, they are indeed not alone, and most of what we battle are temporary distractions. If my public artist heart can save one soul then the open declarations are worth it every time.

Having said that, I was raised in the church. More specifically, I was raised in a church where every Sunday before communion the Pastor would call all those who had “sinned” during the week up to confess their sins one-by-one into the microphone, publicly, in accordance with our church doctrine before the entire church body. Sometimes these lines were ten to fifteen people deep. And, even after confessing their “sins”, they would each have to stand before the church before he prayed for them out loud about their specific “sin” before they were allowed to be seated.

This practice struck me as odd and invasive. Yet, for 18 years I watched the same people, week after week form a line down the right aisle waiting to be redeemed before as a church body, we could take communion. The practice troubled me, but it was tradition and it was not until years later I would experience something different, so I watched in silence week after week, month after month, and year after year until I was 18th and no longer required to attend church. Did my need for personal privacy stem from this, who knows? But, I do know I had my own silent struggles, I never felt comfortable sharing because of this practice and they followed me into adulthood.

So there was always an invisible shield on my internal thoughts for most of my life. I’m not saying I was muted but definitely guarded. And as luck would have it, for good reasons at times. So it’s rare and special when I really can be truly open on a personal level. I’m not harboring dark secrets. I just enjoy the sanctity of my personal life remaining personal.

Still seeking the right balance between publicly transparent and privately personal.

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“Confession Moment #10: An Artist Heart with a Personal Dilemma” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

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Day 22: Aphorism Monday


It will become what you make of it.

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Day 365: I Dare You


There is no dream, goal, idea, person, relationship, job, or career worth losing your identity over.

Lost is painful. It seeps into the crevices of your heart. It waffles over tender memories. But pain lessens over time and in some cases over distance. Give the emotion an opportunity to dissipate and yourself the opportunity to heal.

People would miss you even if you feel they wouldn’t. Besides, the biggest loser is the one convinced they have nothing left to lose… You!

Prove your greatest critic wrong. One more time.

I double dog dare you!

Signed the Voice You Should Be Listening To,

Antithetically You

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“Day 365: I Dare You” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
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Day 320: Life


How can you call it your life, if you rarely take ownership of anything happening in it?

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Day 135: The Underlined Reason


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There is a reason the caterpillar transitions into a cocoon before becoming a butterfly.

There is a reason little seedlings are planted after the last winter frost.

There is a reason you do not move into a home until it is complete.

In the past, I have contemplated the theoretical concept of playing dead without being dead.

Like most things, the understanding and application resonate with one’s perspective of death.

For some immobility is a form of death.

For others decimation of growth is death.

Medically speaking the loss of neurological function is death.

Ironically, this is not about death at all, but the symbolism of death’s characteristics.

I have observed, at different stages humans invoking death’s characteristics as a form of survival.

In school, we remain silent even when we know the answer out of unsupported fear of being wrong,

In relationships, we fabricate or eviscerate our feelings out of fear of losing the relationship.

In our jobs, we ride the assembly line even though we have already been assembled.

We fear the risk that does not pay off.

We fear the truth that does not reveal.

We fear the hope that does not produce.

And so, the caterpillar never becomes the butterfly

The seedling never becomes a rose.

And, the house never becomes a home.

Yet, change the perspective and the theoretical becomes the reality.

I know a king who was born a servant.

I know a servant who became a king.

I know a king who died a criminal but became an advocate.

His camouflage was a necessity to his survival.

The ruse surrounding his birth was predicated on hidden truths remaining hidden until their appointed unveiling.

It makes you wonder if he always knew who he would become.

You might even speculate if it came to him in the midnight hour.

Perhaps the helper showed him the way.

In any case, once he knew, he began to walk as he had caught the clue.

Until his payment was due.

The ideology bears witness to the theoretical supposition of the original thought.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

And just because you know, doesn’t mean you divulge.

Sometimes the greater victory is not in the now but in the latter.

Bridle the tongue so the mouth may speak.

If the caterpillar refused to hibernate, it would never become the butterfly.

If the seedlings were never nurtured, they would never become roses.

If the tree was never cut, the house would never become a home.

You cannot reach the finish line if you never run the race.

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The  “Day 135: The Underlined Reason” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License
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Day 67: Sacrifice


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The lock locked.

The tie straightened.

The button buttoned.

 

The tear fell.

The heart pumped.

The pen signed.

 

The accepted challenge read,

 

If it would save someone’s life later, could you walk away, indefinitely, so it would?

If you could, would you have the wherewithal to usher in its unplotted course?

 

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Day 272: The Pie Recipe for Cake


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It is virtually impossible to use a pie recipe to make a cake.

It is the same with life.

Self-focus is the key to eliminating barriers to one’s success.

Constantly focusing on someone else, hinders you from growing into your own potential.

Grow or stagnant the choice is yours.

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The  “Day 272: The Pie Recipe for Cake” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

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Day 235: Changing Perspectives


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To really change the outlook on your life, change how you look at the events and people in your life.

Instead of looking at how someone did you wrong, look at what their actions taught you.

With each experience, look for the benefit, look for the lesson, and look for the blessing the experience left behind.

I have had countless experiences, none of them were bad. They were all necessary to develop within what would be required with-out.

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The  “Day 235: Changing Perspectives” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

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Day 230: Skilled Electrician


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Sometimes you have to rewire your life to figure out where the short is.

I am becoming a skilled electrician.

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Day 229: People of Faith


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As people of Faith, we occasionally endure situations or people unnecessarily. I surmise we confuse longsuffering with the power of faith.

Jesus experienced longsuffering as he prepared the disciples to carry on his God News Message.

Yet, he cursed the stubborn fig tree refusing to bear fruit and suffered no more.

In both cases, neither were ready to produce. Neither had reached the time for return on investment.

Yet, the disciples were allowed to continue on so the message would be carried forth. The fig tree writhed up and died never to birth another fig.

Sometimes we have to condition our mind to understand some situations and some people unwilling to move must be left, because even though it is not their time, it is our time.

That’s why many are called, but few are chosen.

My experience shows the chosen rely mostly on Faith and less on timing.

Faith in understanding being called has more to do with being willing than being ready.

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The  “Day 229: People of Faith” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

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Day 184: Precious Moments


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I did not pick the planters pot.
I did not pick the seeds.
I did not determine the soil.
I did not lay the seeds in the chosen soil.
Nor did I pack the soil upon the freshly laid seeds.
I was not there for the germination stage.
I did not witness the first leaves grow.
At the time, I did not even know.
I was a little more than a small shrub back then.

The seeds became buds.
The buds fought to become flower,
Under all the April showers.
The flowers became fruit from the original root.
I felt like pollen with each passing bloom.
Or maybe the bee seen darting through the room.

I will never be the original potter.
I will never be able to recall the plants first blooms.
Yet, I do know how the plant became a tree.
I did witness the fallen leaves.
I did witness the painful struggles as one limb became two.
I did enjoy the transformation.

And, one day the trees’ seeds will create more plants with hopes of becoming bigger trees.

It is my experience with the circle of life.
Oh, what a wonderful life.

© 2016 EYHCS

The  ”Day 184: Precious Moments” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License
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Day 182: The Living Shrine


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If you are constantly living off past accomplishments, you are not living, at all.

In fact, you have created a living shrine and shrines are for the dead.

© 2016 EYHCS

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Day 96: Sponge vs Broom (Knowledge vs Emotion)


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Being a sponge when knowledge is the objective is an edifying process. Simply squeeze the sponge when the source of knowledge moves from objectivity towards subjectivity.

Being a sponge when emotions are on the table is a dangerous dance. You can trap other people’s feelings into your own consciousness. In this case, be the broom and not the sponge.

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Day 53: Am I Dead


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The line says, “I shall live and not die”. But, if I do not know how to live… am I not already dead?

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Day 51: Letting Go


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Witness the first day of the rest of your life, choose to let it go. Choose to let it out and without any doubt.

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