Confession Moment #10: An Artist Heart with a Personal Dilemma

June 2, 2018June 2, 2018 / EYHCS

How do you balance a public profile being a private person? I’m writing while I’m thinking, because the subject often comes up, especially, as a blog writer.

Often the stories, poems, and prose are not even about me. But sometimes they are. Other times they are about parts of me or the people I see if that makes sense. Whatever the true subject or objective, the words used to express or describe are indeed mine. So, however, I dress it up, essentially, they are subjectively about something connected to me.

On a personal note, I keep everything close to the vest. I rarely disclose personal details about my life, my friends, my plans, or my family (directly). I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. If I do, then that means you’ve earned a level of trust somewhere in my mind and heart. A level that says similar to how I treat those who share their lives with me, you’re not going to go and shout what I say from the mountaintop. I cherish these relationships because they are difficult to find and hard to keep.

I’d liked to say this originated when I first heard the story of Zachariah in Bible school pre-adolescent, and subconsciously, it may have. However, I’m not convinced that’s true.

I’ve watched people over the years and in watching them, I’ve learned a great deal about boundaries. Everyone’s boundaries are different and I like to keep mine like a fortress at times, if not all the time. The problem I learned about living in a fortress is when you need help, it’s hard for help to find a way in. So the almighty and I struck a balance. He places people in my life I know I can trust and confirms their placement by their actions. It has been working thus far.

I’m sure I’ve been burned in the past, but that’s not what this is about. I am also an artist as I previously wrote earlier in this written dialogue currently happening in my head. And the craft of an artist is extremely public and often very personal. Whether the craft envelopes the artist’s personal challenges, triumphs, or something in between the content is almost always raw.

Thus my actual personal life, I like to keep personal and private. Not necessary a secret, but definitely private.

I had an encounter today with a friend girl of mine who innocently indirectly shared a personal component of my life on a public platform. She was only providing encouragement. Encouragement, I greatly appreciated. However, upon having a quick conversation she quickly understood and respected my wishes that I’d rather not have certain components of my life publicly discussed or commented on overtly. I am grateful for that and for her because others might have misinterpreted my call for discretion. And, turned a molehill into a mountain.

Said interaction brought me back to this confession moment. I regularly share my thoughts, experiences, and beliefs on an array of subjects on my blog and on my community Facebook page. I do so willingly and without reservation. Mainly, in hopes, it liberates someone secretly struggling with similar issues. If my transparency can save a life, provide hope, or simply let someone in the universe know they are not alone, then it’s worth it!

We live in a society where fear, shame, emotional distress, and emotional pain are bottled up until they blow up. So I write to let others know, they are indeed not alone, and most of what we battle are temporary distractions. If my public artist heart can save one soul then the open declarations are worth it every time.

Having said that, I was raised in the church. More specifically, I was raised in a church where every Sunday before communion the Pastor would call all those who had “sinned” during the week up to confess their sins one-by-one into the microphone, publicly, in accordance with our church doctrine before the entire church body. Sometimes these lines were ten to fifteen people deep. And, even after confessing their “sins”, they would each have to stand before the church before he prayed for them out loud about their specific “sin” before they were allowed to be seated.

This practice struck me as odd and invasive. Yet, for 18 years I watched the same people, week after week form a line down the right aisle waiting to be redeemed before as a church body, we could take communion. The practice troubled me, but it was tradition and it was not until years later I would experience something different, so I watched in silence week after week, month after month, and year after year until I was 18th and no longer required to attend church. Did my need for personal privacy stem from this, who knows? But, I do know I had my own silent struggles, I never felt comfortable sharing because of this practice and they followed me into adulthood.

So there was always an invisible shield on my internal thoughts for most of my life. I’m not saying I was muted but definitely guarded. And as luck would have it, for good reasons at times. So it’s rare and special when I really can be truly open on a personal level. I’m not harboring dark secrets. I just enjoy the sanctity of my personal life remaining personal.

Still seeking the right balance between publicly transparent and privately personal.

“Confession Moment #10: An Artist Heart with a Personal Dilemma” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

©EYHCS AND THE LATEST WORD, 2018. UNAUTHORIZED USE AND/OR DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO YOUTUBE VIDEOS, PAPERS, AND OTHER ORIGINAL WORKS OF ART WITHOUT EXPRESS AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THIS BLOG’S AUTHOR AND/OR OWNER IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. EXCERPTS, LINKS, AND IMAGES WITHIN POSTS UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED MAY BE USED, PROVIDED THAT FULL AND CLEAR CREDIT IS GIVEN TO EYHCS AND 15 WORDS OR LESS WITH APPROPRIATE AND SPECIFIC DIRECTION TO THE ORIGINAL CONTENT.

Day 323: Coordinated Elevation

November 19, 2017November 19, 2017 / EYHCS

You ever feel yourself shift. I am not referring to a physical movement, but a metaphysical one. It happens when the dots literally and figuratively start connecting almost imperceptibly.

One seemingly insignificant event propels you into action. Each subsequent action confirms the previous one. And, then it happens, coordinated elevation.

It is in that moment your vision expands and your knowledge awakens. Like a well-oiled machine, you began to level up. The shifting is so smooth, it’s almost imperceptible. Yet, your spiritual awareness allows you see the navigation happening as you move pass each level.

The skies open, the band plays, and the performers sings, it’s shifting time. Get ready, get ready, get ready!

If you haven’t trained your metaphysical being, you will miss it! If you have, your bags are already packed! So, lace-up your cross fits & enjoy the fruits of your labor.

“Day 323: Coordinated Elevation” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

©EYHCS AND THE LATEST WORD, 2017. UNAUTHORIZED USE AND/OR DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO YOUTUBE VIDEOS, PAPERS, AND OTHER ORIGINAL WORKS OF ART WITHOUT EXPRESS AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THIS BLOG’S AUTHOR AND/OR OWNER IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. EXCERPTS, LINKS, AND IMAGES WITHIN POSTS UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED MAY BE USED, PROVIDED THAT FULL AND CLEAR CREDIT IS GIVEN TO EYHCS AND 15 WORDS OR LESS WITH APPROPRIATE AND SPECIFIC DIRECTION TO THE ORIGINAL CONTENT.

Daily Prompt: The Patron Saint of Truth

October 18, 2015October 19, 2015 / EYHCS

Daily Prompt: A True Saint

The Challenge: In 300 years, if you were to be named the patron saint of X, what would you like X to be? Places, activities, objects — all are fair game.

The Delivery:

The year is 2315. The day began like every day since 2215. The clock chimed. The birds chirped. The voices below sounded off one-by-one. Today is. The expected high temperature is. The precipitation is. There will be no further interactions between citizens and officials until quarantine has been lifted. Please remember to wear your masks of truth, your badges of honor, your crests of hope, and your shields of purpose. The official announcement of the day is over. Please begin your day as you normally would. And, remember we have our installation of the Patron Saint of Truth at noon. The festivities can be viewed remotely via direct stream or through your unembedded mobile devices. We look forward to seeing you there.

… (Noon the same day)…

As humans, we are constantly trying to live up to the promise of our ancestors. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes we fall short. In both cases, the underlining goal is to always remember our ancestors knew less than us, but gave more than us, just as we are expected to do for the next generation. We are to uphold our virtues so we honor their struggles, their advancements in science, their innovations in technology, and their successes in destroying the unrestrained pride genome deeply rooted in our culture for centuries.

Today marks a hundred years since EYHCS discovered the RNA molecules completing the genome for pride. EYHCS was known for stating, “At the brink of war the cellular composition just materialized as if an unseen force revealed it all before her eyes”. She refused to accept credit for the discovery. In fact, to this day if asked, she simply states, “it was divine intervention”. No one has ever been able to disprove her assertion, so it stands.

Now, as we install EYHCS as the Patron Saint of Truth, we revisit the words she delivered to the council 100 years ago today, ending the internal war of pride vs. greed.

“Council I have just left my lab. I did not even lock the door out of fear my delay could offset the tenuous balance between word vs. deed. I was hard at work looking for the final gene to break the code on pride. We have all watched our society’s infrastructure slowly fall into decomposition from the internal war of pride, grandstanding, and false goodwill. I made a promise to the creator to never fall into the trap. I ate from the leftovers of the citizens. I drink from the rivers of the Earth. I watched our citizens turn on each other. I watched our society crumb, but we never died. I turned down the politicians’ gifts of expensive jewels, five star dinners, and lavish vacations on the greatest beaches of this Earth. It was all a guise for me to stop my research. I refused. I knew as a society we could overcome the darkness settling in our community. Late this morning out of pure exhaustion I feel asleep in my lab while looking through a microscope. Awoken be a loud crash, there it was. The genome for pride loomed in midair. I quickly transcribed the data. I checked and rechecked the outcomes. I verified the genes, cells, and molecules composition. And confirmed, our divine creator had revealed the one thing, so many people had sought to hide in an effort to propagate a never-ending war. My lab assistants and I confirmed the data is real. No longer will we eat our own. No longer will we kill our own metaphysically or physically in hopes of advancing our own agendas. No longer will a dubious “I” usurp the collective. We have unmasked the secret to restore our ancestors’ original vision for our people. Going forward, we live by our words and our actions will affirm our truth on a single value: “first do no harm”.

And so, great citizens of this new utopia, we install EYHCS as the Patron Saint of Truth. EYHCS, refused to allow pride to win no matter the compensation thrown her way. Remember great citizens of the Earth, “Some things are not for sale”.

“Daily Prompt: The Patron Saint of Truth” by EYHCS (D. Boyland) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Daily Writing Prompt – Home Turf: What 5 Things Makes My Home – Home?

September 21, 2015September 21, 2015 / EYHCS / 5 Comments

Daily Writing Prompt: Home Turf

What 5 Things Makes My Home – Home?

1.) My artwork

My artwork is a collection of pieces purchased, given, and traded for in exchange for my own created pieces (back when I used to paint). The purchased pieces represent a piece of my mind, my heart was attempting to express by the visual, my eyes did see. The given pieces are representations of what friends and family members believed would speak to me based on my current collection. The traded pieces are a sweet exchange of creativity from one artist to another. I gave of myself and the recipient/giver did the same.

2.) My Blu-ray & HD DVDs collections

They allude adventure, love, action, and passion. And, they remind me even in battle there are remnants left of the losing team. Sony and Microsoft fought a good fight. Sony won the war, but Microsoft’s contribution to the hi-definition movie industry will always exist as Blu-ray and HD DVDs sit side-by-side on my entertainment self.

3.) My writing desk

As a writer, my writing desk represents stories untold, characters underdevelopment in the right brain, and cognitive intuition of plots underdevelopment in the left brain. My writing desk makes rediscovering home an adventure as I release the electromagnetic energies of the temporal lobe across my screen each time I write a new piece. My writing desk speaks to me and says, “release the rainbow”, “release the ideal”, “release the concept”, “release the dream”, “release the vision”, and I will be your foundation that carries you home.

4.) Peace

There is an undeniable aura of peace when you cross the threshold of my home. The outside world drifts away the further you venture inside. It welcomes you in and washes over you with each breath you take.

5.) Tranquility

I have watched guest gravity into a spot and literally cascade away negative thoughts and emotions. The atmosphere whispers to all inhabitants, “take me away”. So we laugh, we drink, we eat, we are merry, and we forget about the things in the rearview mirror as we focus on the things alongside the road ahead.

Daily Writing Prompt – Home Turf: What 5 Things Makes My Home – Home? by EYHCS (D. Boyland) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Day 41 – A Powerful Trinity Force

February 10, 2015 / EYHCS

The heart knows what the heart knows. The soul feels what the heart knows. The Holy Spirit feeds the heart and soothes the soul. As a powerful trinity force they create a unifying path to success.

EYHCS

The ”Day 41 – A Powerful Trinity Force” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. The image in this post is the intellectual property of Indulgy.com.

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Day 7 – Redefining Dirt (Innards)

January 7, 2015January 13, 2015 / EYHCS

I learned something new the other day while watching The Taste. In the culinary world, innards are called dirt. I never knew this.

Prior to watching The Taste, all my encounters with the word dirt held a negative connotation. “Go wash the dirt off your hands, off your face, and off yours shoes”, your mother would say. “The people over there spew nothing, but dirt”, your friend or pastor might say. “His mind is full of dirt”, the prosecutor, might say.

Yet, in the culinary world, dirt is considered a rare commodity and a necessary seasoning for the perfect taste. It makes me reconsider the meanings we have attached to the word dirt in our lives, in our families, in our churches, in our workplace, and in our relationships. In the words, of Marcus Samuelsson a six times James Beard winner, I am looking for a little dirt in 2015.

EYHCS

The ”Day 7 – Redefining Dirt (Innards)” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

HSCM Segment 4: Where there is smoke, there is fire

November 26, 2014November 26, 2014 / EYHCS

©EYHCS and The Latest Word, 2010-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material, including, but not limited to Confession Moments, Holy Spirit Confession Moments, and The Latest Word quotes, YouTube videos, papers, and other original works of art without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links within posts unless otherwise stated are available for use, provided that full and clear credit is given to EYHCS, The Latest Word, and Indulgy.com (where appropriate) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I began the Holy Spirit Confession Moment series about nine months ago. Initially, I had the intention of running it for a consecutive six weeks. Almost immediately after completing the first’s week edition, my heart became heavy. My mind began to twirl and my soul began to rise up. I had no choice, but to set the series aside for a while.

Ezekiel 1:1

¹ Now it came to pass in the thirtieth year, in the fourth month, on the fifth day of the month, as I was among the captives by the River Chebar, that the heavens were opened and I saw visions of God. (NKJV)

During the course of the next nine months, God continued to speak, the Holy Spirit continued to guide me into all truth and all knowledge. I listened through some rough times. I listened through some heart wrenching times. I listened and did my best to move myself out-of-the-way. My attempts were successful. I spent time listening, observing, and staying alert.

Then on August 15, 2014, my soul awoke and I experienced a new level in the understanding of God’s Holy Spirit as it relates to God’s omnipresence concerning my life’s journey.

Yet, I still could not fully release my gift to write openly. I posted old writings in an attempt to continue my goal of posting daily. Eventually, I stopped posting altogether, until now.

In order to open up my creative juices, I began looking for meditation materials. I found a series of audio books and listened to them faithfully for several weeks. I felt myself becoming more centered. I felt myself lifting up and lifting out. Yet, I still felt it was not time to write. However, the meditation materials helped. I began to enter what I can only call the third heaven regularly. I would fall into a deep almost trance like sleep. During these experiences, I would see faces of people I knew and people I did not know. At times, I would hear voices and full-blown conversations. At other times, it would just be a deep sense of peace. I would awake rejuvenated. I liked this renewed sense of peace feeling, settling in my life.

Revelations 3:20-22

²⁰ Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. ²¹ To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with me on my throne, as I also overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. ²² “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.” (NKJV)

Last Tuesday around midnight, It was cold here in Dallas. I had just finished talking and having a cigarette with a good friend of mine when we each went our separate ways. Him headed home in the cold Fall weather colored by freezing rain and slick streets. However, I was not quite ready to go back inside. Thus, I went to my car for another cigarette before I returned to work surrounded by the heat flowing from my car vents.

Out of nowhere, a deep sense of impending danger fell over me. A name shifted through the atmosphere. It just so happens, it was the name shared by both my friend (from earlier) and my partner. Accompanied by the name were words. One word in particular sticks out in my memory now, accident. I attempted to wash it away. As I battled internally, the Holy Spirit spoke to my inner spirit while I listened to music and smoked my cigarette. I do not recall interceding outwardly. I simply smoked my cigarette and returned to work filled with an odd sense of foreboding.

Not too long after returning to work my friend sent me a text he was stuck in traffic due to the bridge being blocked by black ice a few counties from his home. Government road officials had been called out to clear the roads, but in the meantime, he and all the other anxious travelers would have to wait it out. Before we concluded our call, I asked him to text me when he arrived at home. The impending danger still sat in my heart. Concerned, I continued to work.

A few hours later, I felt unusually tired and sought the comfort of my car for some rest. I set my alarm to awake me at 5:00 am. As I slept, I entered into a trance sleep. I awoke to my car filled with smoke and the distinct smell of burning wood. I knew consciously my car was not on fire. I recall stating the same out loud as I drifted back to sleep. A few minutes later my partner called me, there was a fire in our apartment building. As I sat in my car, gathering the pertinent information, I thought upon the experience I had only moments ago. You know, “are you alright?” “Is it our apartment building?” “Is it our apartment?” As she confirmed, “Yes, I am alright”. “No, it is not our apartment building, but the apartment building next to us”. My spirit calmed inside. We spoke for a few minutes before we decided I needed to come home.

I calmly turned off the car and proceeded back upstairs to sign out for the rest of my shift. I sent an email notifying my manager and said goodbye to my co-worker. I returned to my car with a new sense of peace and awareness for the power of the Holy Spirit within. I picked up my cigarettes, pulled one out, located my lighter, and calmly pulled out of the parking garage. As, I drove home, I listened to the Holy Spirit. There was no panic. There was no sense of urgency. There was nothing, but a sense of acknowledgement for the God I love and the Holy Spirit within.

I arrived home about ten or fifteen minutes later to find seven to eleven fire trucks in and around our apartment complex. My partner had already informed me I would more than likely be unable to get close to our building due to the fire trucks. It still did not stop me from trying. In any regards, I eventually parked two buildings away and joined my partner in her car. We spoke about her experience. We spoke about how she had just recently fallen to sleep. We spoke about how I knew, because I had messaged her about thirty minutes before the fire started. We spoke about the normal things of life, including, she needed to go to the bathroom, but we had not been given the go ahead to re-enter our apartment, and about her shock at being woken by loud knocks upon the door in the wee hours of the morning.

Eventually, I approached our building and locked our door after surveying our intact apartment. I returned to the car still unable to share any of what I am writing now. How could I… I thought, I was still in the moment. We spent the rest of the morning with her mother as I sat in both peace and awareness. Once back at home with my partner asleep, I sat in my living room and read a book my mother had given me several years ago. I pulled the still cellophane wrapped book from under my center table. Pulling back the cellophane, I opened the book and began reading. It felt as if God himself was speaking to just me. I went to sleep in peace. When I awoke later that evening, I thought to myself, I will write this account down, I will tell this story, but not today.

At work that night, I spoke with my friend who discussed being stranded on the road earlier that morning. He spoke about the multiple accidents in front of him. One of the accidents included up to twenty-three cars. His car and life spared. As he spoke, I recalled the encounter with the Holy Spirit earlier that day and all that had transpired in the last twenty-four hours. I smiled and I listened to my friend’s account of his eventful morning. When it was over, we entered the building and I promised him I would tell him all about the fire, but he would have to read it here, on my blog, once it had time to settle in my spirit, in my mind, and in my heart.

Job 28:20-28

²⁰ “From where then does wisdom come?

And where is the place of understanding?

²¹ It is hidden from the eyes of all living.

And concealed from the birds of the air.

²²Destruction and Death say,

“We have heard a report about it with our ears.”

²³ God understands its way.

And He knows its place.

²⁴ For He looks to the end of the earth.

And sees under the whole heavens,

²⁵ To establish a weight for the wind.

And apportion the waters by measure.

²⁶ When He made a law for the rain.

And a path for the thunderbolt.

²⁷ Then He saw wisdom and declared it;

He prepared it, indeed, He searched it out.

²⁸And to man He said,

‘Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom,

And to depart from evil is understanding.’ ”

(NKJV)

I have only recounted my experience and my understanding, because it is all I have to offer. Normally, I would offer some form of conjecture, but it feels unnecessary and totally inadequate.

Stay blessed and know God is real.

Day 274 – Meditation Series: Writer’s Heart

October 1, 2014September 19, 2014 / EYHCS

I wrote this meditation on April 12, 1997 at 1:00 am. Three years out of high school. Two years into life outside of my parents home. I was more confused about who I was or what I would become. I knew I held a purpose. God began to place specific people in my life who confirmed a greater destiny than the little black girl for the south side of Dallas. I held on to it all. I researched various religions. I dabbled in things I had no business dabbling in, I thought. They all created the child of God I am today. They all helped me during one of the most difficulty battles of my life. The things spoken into my life bore a great truth, which is still unraveling, today. I have so many of these writings. Surprisingly, it has only recently occurred to me, God’s Holy Spirit speaks to me in my writings. And, so even when exhausted, frustrated, or otherwise not myself, I will continue to write.

Life’s greatest challenges when completed become life’s greatest triumphs. My heart weighs heavy this eve.

My mission statement for the day:

We are all on a trip, following different road maps, but to the same destination. I will be ready to lend a helping hand to a troubled traveler today. It will breathe new life into my personal walk home.

The ”Day 274 – Meditation Series: Writer’s Heart” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

©EYHCS AND THE LATEST WORD, 2010-2014. UNAUTHORIZED USE AND/OR DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO YOUTUBE VIDEOS, PAPERS, AND OTHER ORIGINAL WORKS OF ART WITHOUT EXPRESS AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THIS BLOG’S AUTHOR AND/OR OWNER IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. EXCERPTS, LINKS, IMAGES THAT ARE THE COURTESY OF INDULGY.COM WITHIN POSTS UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED MAY BE USED, PROVIDED THAT FULL AND CLEAR CREDIT IS GIVEN TO EYHCS AND 15 WORDS OR LESS WITH APPROPRIATE AND SPECIFIC DIRECTION TO THE ORIGINAL CONTENT.

Day 272 – Meditation Series: Traveled Road

September 29, 2014September 19, 2014 / EYHCS

The road less traveled is most often the road designed and preordained by God for your deliverance. Leaving the road most traveled is the greatest test of faith. It requires an unwavering faith in God to excavate the shrubs, trees, rocks and stones, cut through the valleys, or spread out the mountains; but to know he will lift you above it all if you see your wings instead of your path.

We are his angelic agents within the Earth, if we lack the belief in his power; how can we bring others into the fold?

The ”Day 272 – Meditation Series: Traveled Road” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Day 267: Meditation Series – Trust in God

September 24, 2014September 24, 2014 / EYHCS

Trust in God with all your might. Before you can learn to trust God, you must learn to know God. When you know God, you realize his character. When you view his character, you experience his governance in supreme sovereignty. It is here we earn trust and our lives are transformed. Some call it rejuvenation in its purest form of exfoliation of spiritual waste.

The ”Day 267: Meditation Series – Trust in God” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Day 266 – Meditation Series: Belief

September 23, 2014September 16, 2014 / EYHCS

Belief in one’s self is futile without trust in the source of active production. Belief in others is risky without faith in the inner being light others have. Belief in an institution is belief in rocks, stones, clay, plaster, and with no motivator to carry the torch with the lighter. A belief in God encompasses all you need. Yet, few people seek the one true originator of the impossible possibility of an exceptional producer capable of defying the impossible through a belief in the infinite sovereign benefactor.

The ”Day 266 – Meditation Series: Belief” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Day 265 – Meditation Series: Reflective Living

September 22, 2014September 16, 2014 / EYHCS

Live long enough and life will provide you a map of how much learning you have left to carry out. Seek long enough and God will show you how much he has to offer. Pray long enough and the inner being will develop its character in you. Walk long enough in these truths and experience transformational ministry through reflective living.

The ”Day 265 – Meditation Series: Reflective Living” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Day 246 – I Cannot

September 2, 2014September 10, 2014 / EYHCS

What does being nobody without God really mean?

I cannot become without God.

I cannot believe without God.

I cannot breathe without God.

I cannot cook without God.

I cannot dream without God.

I cannot eat without God.

I cannot feel without God.

I cannot forgive without God.

I cannot be forgiven without God.

I cannot heal without God.

I cannot hear without God.

I cannot possess the promise without God.

I cannot sit without God.

I cannot speak without God.

I cannot stand without God.

I cannot taste without God.

I cannot teach without God.

I cannot think without God.

I cannot walk without God.

I cannot write without God.

I simply cannot exist without God.

What does being nobody without God, really mean to you?

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HSCM: Segment 3 – My Evolving Experience with the Holy Spirit

August 24, 2014August 24, 2014 / EYHCS

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This is my story. This is my experience. This is beyond anything I could ever imagine or ever fully explain. I have reread this account numerous times before publishing it on my blog for the world to see. I did not set out to tell everything I have written. I actually did not set out to tell this story, at all. I sat out to tell the story of my fractured right foot, which occurred on August 15, 2014 at my place of employment. The story has evolved into revealing some of my most closely held and some of my most inner private experiences with the Holy Spirit over the last five to seven years. In order to tell it all, I would have to write a series of books. I will save that for another day.

Once upon a time in a land far away, a young black woman sought out Christ. Her number one goal was to become Christlike. She never fully grasped the totality of such a magnanimous goal. All she knew was she wanted to have the full experience of being one with God. Over the course of 38-years, God came to her in many forms, through many signs, and performed many wonders. With each passing experience, her faith grew stronger, her walk grew truer, and her belief in the one true God grew deeper. This is a truncated version of that black girl’s story as she began to experience the fullness of Christ.

It is not intended to be a persuasive story. It is not intended to rewrite the logistical nature of religion as we know it. It is simply the true story of one little black girl from Southeast Dallas, who became a strong, powerful, and black woman in Christ.

So I began…

Last Friday, I fractured my right foot. I felt the need to write about it, but I was unclear about what to say or how much to share about the experience. Even as I write now, I draw on the strength and guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Where do I begin? How do I begin? What do I say? These are all questions floating around in my head since the experience occurred. I pray I deliver only what is necessary and only what is expedient to express the emotions going through my membrane in this moment.

I remember the glory of God being present very early on the morning of August 15, 2014. I borrow the term ‘the glory of God’ from a book I have been reading for over seven years now. I have never read the entire book. In fact, I still have not. The contents and concepts expressed in the book are so powerful it would be an injustice to not spend ample time digesting it as one would a five course-five star meal. The book speaks to the levels of heaven, the power of God (glory of God) at the various levels, specific portals or spots known to see great moves of God, and our ability to tap into it all.

It all began with a conversation I had with a man of God at work. We were discussing some pretty intense subjects. The kind of subject forbidden in most workplaces and for good reason. At some point, the conversation turned to religion.

{Silence}

Our conversation went like this:

“For someone with a literal view of the world or something to that effect I began.

{Questioning look appears across his face}

“I know you have a very literal interpretation of the Bible…” I continue.

“What do you mean by literal”, he replied.

“Well, we have had many conversations on this issue…” I replied.

He interrupted me, with his understanding of literal and figurative. He references several books of the Bible, including Revelations and the four-headed horsemen. “Well, of course, that is symbolism”, he concluded.

I asked another question, “Do you believe in the Holy Spirit living with you?” I knew his answer; we have had this very discussion countless times. He does not.

He confirms his belief and finishes off with, “God doesn’t say or mention anything about the Holy Spirit in the Bible. There is no mention of it.” He prepares to continue his defense for his hope.

{Now, I am the one with the perplexed look upon my face.}

I pause and inject, “Jesus does”.

He pauses. {With a somewhat defensive look upon his face} I have his attention, I noticed. I continue.

“Jesus, says in a passage, I do not recall the exact passage, but he is talking to the disciples and he says, ‘Thomas or Peter (I really cannot remember in the moment), do not be afraid for I go to be with the Father and because I go to be with the Father, I will send you a helper and that helper will usher you into all truth, all knowledge, and he will be with you always.”, I concluded.

He says, “But that doesn’t state he will live with me. Being with me and living with me are not the same. I see the Holy Spirit like air. It is a force, but it doesn’t live with me.”

I pause again. “What is your understanding of El or Emmanuel?” I quickly remove El and clarify my question with just Emmanuel only.

He relays a textbook definition of the word without any connection to the Spirit of the word.

I pause doing my best not to allow my personal beliefs to overshadow the moment. I normally do at this stage of the conversation. Slightly different than normal, I profess my belief emphatically. “I believe the Holy Spirit lives with me. The Holy Spirit guides me into all truth. The Holy Spirit is my guide. The Holy Spirit is my teacher.” I state.

It does not connect. I switch gears, take my headphones off and become fully engaged in the conversation.

“Do you believe the New Testament is a continuation of the Old Testament? Again, the perplexed look rolls across his face. This happens a lot when we talk. I have become accustomed to having to reexamine my choice of terminology with this particular person. I change approaches and expand my thought.

For example, some people believe the Old Testament is a historical text only. These same people believe the New Testament ushered in a new covenant, which they live by today. Some people believe the Old Testament is the Gospel and the New Testament text is a continuation of the Old Testament. Some people believe the Old Testament has passed away and represents how God dealt with his people in the prior to the birth of Christ, but the New Testament ushered in a High Priest, a new covenant, and we are no longer required or expected to follow the Old Testaments rules and regulations. These same people believe the greatest of these new commandments, “is love”, he finishes my statement. {I nod} Some people even believe the Holy Spirit exists, that we have an intimate and personal relationship with him, and that he lives with us. Before I can finish my thought…

He states, the Old Testament is a historical text, and the New Testament, beginning with the Gospels is the governing text for Christians today. I find no disagreement here, but I also was not through with my statement.

I continued, “because of the fire and brimstone theology of some churches…” I paused careful not to say traditional churches. I have been working purposefully to stop fragmenting the Church more than it already is.

“Fire and brimstone”, he questions.

“Yes, fire and brimstone”, I replied.

“That’s not in the bible”, he states.

“True, it is not. It is a term used by some to refer to an angry God spoken about from many pulpits, especially, in the South. I grew-up in one of them”, I state.

“I’ve heard the phrase before, but wasn’t sure what it meant”, he continues.

“It refers to damnation for sin, for adultery, excessive drinking, the LGBT community…” I state before being cut-off.

Almost under his breath, “LGBT”, he questions with a smirk upon his countenance.

“Yes, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender”, I reply.

“Oh, they have a name for that or them now”, he replies.

“Yes, they always have”, I comment dryly behind gritted teeth.

We continue with the explanation of the term fire and brimstone.

I continue, “for the most part, it refers to scripture being taken out of context {clobber passages came to mind, but I decided against using the term – I credited it to the Holy Spirit’s guidance in the moment} and then used to beat a particular group of people or sinners over the head with the fear of the wrath of God’s eternal damnation if they don’t …”

He chimes in again, “See that’s the problem, people taking scripture out of context instead of reading it in context”. We agree here, but somehow the conversation wanes and I return to working on my task at hand.

It is smoke break time. Outside, a co-worker comments about my knowledge of the Bible. “You really know that Bible stuff. I’ve never seen anyone shut-up or confuse him before when it comes to the Bible”, she finishes. “I know it, because I lived it, I experienced it, I made it real for me”, I close. “Yea, but you really, know it”, she states. I do not find any pride in this fact. I actually try to dispel her eagerness at my knowledge. Paul words to the Corinthians I believe it was comes to mind {Do not boast in yourself, if you must boast, boast in the Lord. I confess now, while I have read the Bible many times, there are only a few scriptures I ever committed to memory with the actual scripture, chapter, and verse. The rest I simply rely on the Holy Spirit to provide me in my time of need from that, which I already deposited during my studies.} I think on the greater price this moment of recognition has costed me before she departs. As she walks away, I light-up my second cigarette to the backdrop of my night music mix of Gospel music.

A few hours later, back inside the building I really need a restroom break. However, I choose this moment to bring my body into submission. I really need to go to the restroom, though. I have since the smoke break earlier. It has been almost two hours since this sensation occurs to me, but I am focused on the task at hand. We are on a deadline to finish our current workload before the next batch drops. I am determined to finish. I can no longer refrain, the please wait dance just fell flat and I arise.

It is here, I sought the voice of God the most before writing this blog. Primarily, because it is here the next 30 – 45 minutes blur between the natural realm and the supernatural realm, for me. It is here, I pause. It is here I wonder how much is too much and how little is too little. It is here I will lose some people, because the natural mind cannot correlate to what follows below. It is here, my greatest experience with the glory of God occurs. It is here the last five to seven years began to make sense for me.

I enter the restroom. I complete my reason for being there. Sharp pains began in my sides almost immediately. They intensify. They become so great I cannot bear to stand up. I call on the strength of my healer. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I manage to redress and stand-up. It is here I wonder if this is my end and by end, I mean, am I dying. It feels like air is circulating throughout my entire body. I feel nauseous. I feel almost hollow. It begins on the right-side of my body and moves throughout my human vessel. I feel dizzy. I believe I silently called out for help, maybe even salvation. I couldn’t feel my heartbeat anymore. I felt separated from my fleshly self. I felt here and not here. I closed my eyes to steady myself. I registered for some reason, I have my hands in my pocket. Immediately, the words of a prophet comes forth like it was yesterday. It has been several years, he tells me to take my hands out of my pocket. Obediently, I remove them from inside my pockets. I place them flat on the outside of my pants with one thumb looped inside my pockets at each hip.

Eyes now closed, I stand with my back against the wall of the bathroom stall. I imagine a balloon with the air being released. This is how I feel in this moment. I wonder if I am about to die on the second floor of my workplace building. I wonder a lot of things in this moment. I am afraid and not afraid. It goes dark.

I awake, on the floor in a great deal of pain. Where is it coming from? It is no longer dark. It is actually quite bright. Why do I see myself falling if I am already on the floor? How do I see myself falling if I am already on the floor? In this moment, it doesn’t matter. There is an intense pain streaming from somewhere and I need to find the source of the pain immediately. It is coming from my right foot. My God, this hurts. I look at my foot secured in my white leather Adidas sports shoe with a beige stripe down the toe. I normally wear slip-on open black pumps, but the strap broke yesterday or at least I noticed it was broke yesterday. It is amazing where the mind travels when in a state of shock. I summon the strength to remove the shoe in both word and thought. Thank God, the shoe is removed. There is a lot of pain. It is swollen. It looks bad.

I lay there as the voice of the Holy Spirit speaks to me, consoles me, guides me, and cares for me in my time of need. It is not the first time I have heard the voice , but in this state, I listen without objection. Feet disappear and appear beneath the stall of the bathroom door. I listen to my comforter in my brokenness.

“Do you need me to call security”, comes the voice on the other side of the locked bathroom stall door. I pause. My helper speaks, “Yes”. The voice on the other side of the door speaks, “Yes”. It feels like only seconds, but the head of security has now joined the faceless voice on the other side of the bathroom stall door. My helper, the Holy Spirit is loud now. I listen behind tears of pain, tears of confusion, and tears of submission. “I am stubborn”, states the voice. This is true. I am and I know it.

I hear all types of things in this moment. Surviving the brink of death or death itself and so I let the tears flow. Passing through my workplace in a rolling chair, tears streaming down my face amidst the lunch rush, I look down at my foot away from the prying eyes. “It is broken”, I say. “I know”, the audible voice states to me and the flood gate of tears flow. We continue this audible, but silent conversation as the EMTs have a difficulty getting any reading on me. The blood pressure machine will not read. It keeps malfunctioning. The needle to check my sugar levels breaks. They fumble looking for another, they do not have one. I believe even the thermometer failed a few times. Questions circulate around me as at least four of the five EMTs work to establish a preliminary finding of my situation. The blood pressure machine finally registers as does the thermometer. No luck for the needle. My vitals are good. They are actually excellent. They would eventually get a sugar read in the ambulance, 146.

I am confused. I am shaken. I am at a loss for words. I have been here before. I have expressed hearing the voice of God before only to be mistaken as crazy. What do I say? How do I express this experience knowing what I know now? I have been hospitalized and placed under psychiatric evaluation for telling my experience with the voice of God to others, before. I did not understand it then, but my experiences with the voice of God and the presence of God have taught me to trust and recognize the voice and presence of God, better.

I have seen it in the preacher in Fort Worth a few months back after he side-swiped my vehicle from back to front. As we stood exchanging information, he expressed his reason behind his distracted mind. His wife recently had a nervous breakdown at work. She also believed she was being followed on the streets, the freeways, well pretty much everywhere, all the time. She attacked him, then called the police on him, and had a restraining order put on him. He was on the way to pay the restitution bill when he side-swiped my vehicle.

While is a very long prophetic trance, I experienced this man’s story. However, I did not understand it at the time. To be honest, I really did not understand it until I revised this post.

I have seen it in the prophetic dream of a $150.00 check arriving at my mother’s house only to see the very same check arrive at my mother’s residence in the manner seen in the prophetic dream a few days earlier.

I have seen it in an urgent need to fall to my knees and pray for someone only to have them recount how they were in grave danger or fear at the exact moment the presence of God fell upon me.

I have heard a prophetic whisper say, “Let me look in my purse to see if I have $10 for my Angela”. Only to have Angela come home and tell me this woman just gave her $10 after she said, “let me look in my purse and see…” We were absolutely broke and concerned about how we would survive until payday.

I have seen it in a prophetic word coming forth saying someone needed to speak to me or see me and having that person reach out to me shortly thereafter.

I have seen it in billing errors or billing delays when my bank account was funny with not enough money and those automatic debits did not come through automatically.

I have seen it when in a prophetic trance I saw a dismissal of a court case, which would take two years to come to pass for the person. In the prophetic trance, I was that person living out the experience. I was able to help this person overcome their anxiety about the pending court case, because of this experience. By then, my prophetic visions, the voice of God, and prophetic words were being confirmed all over the place.

I have seen it in a doctor’s report coming several days later, but delivered in the moment the person was talking about their pending results. I find it interesting now, because I have many prophetic appearances with this particular person.

I have seen it in multiple church meetings at different churches and different times. A prophetic word came forth and the speaker spoke on the exact word almost immediately. I sat silent, but registered the confirmation internally. It helped me come to turns with the power and move of God in my life.

I never spoke in or understood the gift of tongues or the usage of tongues. Since the move of God in my life, I have experienced both including the interpretation of tongues. About a month ago, I visited an old-church member’s new church. The speaker spoke in tongues about being grateful God had decided to use him, his vessel, as a prophetic instrument in tongues. The speaker’s speaking in tongues were out-of-order according to my understanding on the issue of speaking in tongues during a public forum. I asked the Holy Spirit for a translation. The translation fell upon me from the speaker’s next words as I saw his Spirit separate from his body.

I have seen it when I mistakenly misunderstood a prophetic word and told the leaders of my church I felt my mother was trying to kill me during my awakening. Only to meet a woman a few weeks later who felt her mother was trying to kill her and her mother had actually stated she meant to have her dead at the same time I heard the word.

The natural mind cannot understand the spiritual mind of God, I would soon learn. I stopped assuming personal identification with what I was hearing or seeing. This helped bring normalcy back into my life.

I stopped talking about it all together. I just sat back, watched, listened, and took mental note of revelations becoming actualizations in my everyday life.

I saw it most recently, when a friend of mine lost his wallet at work. The thieves used his AMEX credit card to fill-up gas on four cars (including a Hummer) and his Wal-Mart card to buy $300 worth of merchandise. A strong feeling of righteous indignation came over me as I listened to my gospel music later that evening and his face materialized before my eyes and floated across my vision from left to right. I heard ‘vengeance is mine’ amidst the wind. God would also show me which program the bad actors worked for within the company. Four days later, those three responsible for the theft were walked out in handcuffs by the police from our place of employment.

When God’s Word began to manifest in my life, I knew just enough, and not nearly enough at the same time. I am still learning how to move in the prophetic realm, but God has guided me along the way. I even get angry sometimes about this role. People do not understand you always. Your words are twisted at times. Your intentions are misunderstood and construed at other times.

However, he has saved me far too many times from deaths hands. He has provided for me far too many times from the brink of poverty. He has restored me far too many times to not know his voice, his ways, and his very presence.

Now back in the ER, over and over, “so how did it happen”, the attending staff asked. The Holy Spirit is still presently speaking to me on the hospital bed.

I tell the natural experience. Here’s what I remember. I felt pain in my side. I forced myself to stand-up. I felt like air gyrating around me and my ears swooshing or popping. I closed my eyes. I awoke on the floor with pain coming from my right foot. This is the story I recount over and over to those with the ears, eyes, and mind unable to understand the supernatural version of my story.

I leave out my body was moved in a 45° angle from where the entire experience began. It was as if, I had been propped up against the bathroom stall door, which is in the opposite direction of the wall I stood on prior to the fall. No one was in the stall with me. Even now, I continue to see my actual descending to the ground over and over again. I cannot explain it and I cannot explain it away.

This is my story. This is my experience. This is beyond anything I could ever imagine or ever fully explain.

Yes, I believe the Holy Spirit lives in and the Holy Spirit lives with me.

Yes, I do.