Day 5: Conflicted Mourning


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This was not the intended first published piece of 2017.

I have written other works of art centered around my reflective learnings of 2016. I wrote the inspired words and set them aside. I learned this technique awhile back. Write with passion. Write with emotion. Write whatever comes forth then set it aside. Forget about the infused emotional, thoughtful, and provoking life I left on the screen. Let their fire dim. Let their virtuosity wane. Let logic overrule. Let the pain and anguish of their meaning flicker out like the last flame of a well-burnt candle.

Then and only then return to the scene. Shift through the ashes. Search out the treasures. Breathe in the remnants of what remains. Ask the only question that matters. Are the words still true? Publish, if yes. Revamp, if no.

My confliction causes me to break away, if only for tonight, from this writing ritual.

Prepared I knew. We are not a family of jesters. Sure, we joke and laugh at the appropriate times. Yet, we are planners and thinkers. He had been preparing my mother. And, my mother had been preparing us. So I knew. I was prepared.  I was aware. The signs came with each fleeting day.  I expected the call more than once. I knew what steps to take in order to be available. I held back tears with each new revelation. The diagnosis was clearer with each update. Not through what was said, but by what was withheld.

The urgency came. The call was made. The words were spoken. He’s passed away she spoke. There it is. The confliction of heart, mind, and spirit. I feel it. I cannot fully name it, but I sense it. The heart aches because his temporal presence has left. The mind is grateful the pain and confusion he experienced in his final days are over. The spirit rejoices because his soul now rests where no more harm can come to him in the form of “treatment”. I feel it all and I feel none of it. The medical attempts to save him reduced his quality of life in the final weeks, if not months, so I pray his mother and my grandmother greets him upon his arrival as her memory consoles me now.

I feel it all and I feel none of it. The medical attempts to save him reduced his quality of life in the final weeks, if not months, so I pray his mother and my grandmother greets him upon his arrival as her memory consoles me now.

For this is how I learned to express what is sometimes inexpressible. I am a stoic soul with a complex heart. It is here the emotions intersect with the logic to usher in the therapy mere condolences cannot bring. Here my gift allows me to sit in my Father’s lap. In a place, my stoic soul with a complex heart – can experience the caress that does not bend and does not break. For this was not the intended published first piece of 2017, but it was needed.

You will be missed, but not forgotten.

The  “Day 5: Conflicted Mourning” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

©EYHCS AND THE LATEST WORD, 2017. UNAUTHORIZED USE AND/OR DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO YOUTUBE VIDEOS, PAPERS, AND OTHER ORIGINAL WORKS OF ART WITHOUT EXPRESS AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THIS BLOG’S AUTHOR AND/OR OWNER IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. EXCERPTS, LINKS, IMAGES WITHIN POSTS UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED MAY BE USED, PROVIDED THAT FULL AND CLEAR CREDIT IS GIVEN TO EYHCS AND THE LATEST WORD WITH APPROPRIATE AND SPECIFIC DIRECTION TO THE ORIGINAL CONTENT.

 

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Day 337: Duality


 

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Duality.

It appears in all of the creation.

It is neither menacing nor benign.

It simply exists to be or to become.

Equivalent to so many other principles and concepts until the action occurs it lingers in a temporal fashion.

It is neither this nor that.

It is none and all.

It is a noun waiting for its verb.

Heart.

Mind.

Soul.

Passion.

Desire.

Goal.

Insert the right verb and change the heart.

Insert the wrong verb and darken the mind.

Marry the right verb and claim the soul.

Marry the wrong very and snuff out the passion.

Replace the right verb and realize your desire.

Replace the wrong verb and relinquish your goal.

Duality.

It is neither this nor that.

It is none and all.

It is a noun waiting for its verb.

Careful is the one who seeks before they speak.

The river runs wide.

The currents run fast.

Sometimes you can be both first and last.

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The  “Day 337: Duality” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

©EYHCS AND THE LATEST WORD, 2016. UNAUTHORIZED USE AND/OR DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO YOUTUBE VIDEOS, PAPERS, AND OTHER ORIGINAL WORKS OF ART WITHOUT EXPRESS AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THIS BLOG’S AUTHOR AND/OR OWNER IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. EXCERPTS, LINKS, IMAGES THAT ARE THE COURTESY OF INDULGY.COM WITHIN POSTS UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED MAY BE USED, PROVIDED THAT FULL AND CLEAR CREDIT IS GIVEN TO EYHCS AND 15 WORDS OR LESS WITH APPROPRIATE AND SPECIFIC DIRECTION TO THE ORIGINAL CONTENT.

 

Day 232: Children of God


 

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The wise one knows when they find themselves offended they need to search their heart and not the offender’s words, motives, or actions.

As children of God, we are required to control our body, or thoughts, and our tongue. So, why do we always turn outward instead of inward when the offense comes?

The offense is a sign there is something we need to work on and that does not begin on the perimeter.

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The  “Day 232: Children of God” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

©EYHCS AND THE LATEST WORD, 2016. UNAUTHORIZED USE AND/OR DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO YOUTUBE VIDEOS, PAPERS, AND OTHER ORIGINAL WORKS OF ART WITHOUT EXPRESS AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THIS BLOG’S AUTHOR AND/OR OWNER IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. EXCERPTS, LINKS, IMAGES THAT ARE THE COURTESY OF INDULGY.COM WITHIN POSTS UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED MAY BE USED, PROVIDED THAT FULL AND CLEAR CREDIT IS GIVEN TO EYHCS AND 15 WORDS OR LESS WITH APPROPRIATE AND SPECIFIC DIRECTION TO THE ORIGINAL CONTENT.

Day 44: Emotional Hostage


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Have you ever been an emotional hostage?

Would you know?

I didn’t.

 

What does one look like, you ask?

How do we identify one, you ponder?

The answer is elusive.

 

How can you be an emotional hostage if you possess no real emotions?

Where can I find one, you inquiry?

Hopelessness colored by glossy eyes, chirper ideas, and silent tears.

 

Where’s the mirror?

Whose reflection is that?

Yours declares the heart.

 

I never knew I was an emotional hostage until one day I wasn’t.

I never knew I packed away my emotions until the movers unpacked them.

I never knew the other side of me until we were free.

I never knew I just needed to make it through.

 

Then one day, I stopped speaking to prevent the reactions of others.

Then one day, I stopped living to curtail the viciousness of others.

Then one day, I stopped dressing a certain way to conform to others.

Then one day, became another day instead of someday before today.

 

I didn’t know my ability to shield had shielded my emotional prison from myself…

until speaking didn’t curtail my living.

 

I just didn’t know.

But I do now.

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The  “Day 44: Emotional Hostage” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

©EYHCS AND THE LATEST WORD, 2016. UNAUTHORIZED USE AND/OR DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO YOUTUBE VIDEOS, PAPERS, AND OTHER ORIGINAL WORKS OF ART WITHOUT EXPRESS AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THIS BLOG’S AUTHOR AND/OR OWNER IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. EXCERPTS, LINKS, IMAGES THAT ARE THE COURTESY OF INDULGY.COM WITHIN POSTS UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED MAY BE USED, PROVIDED THAT FULL AND CLEAR CREDIT IS GIVEN TO EYHCS AND 15 WORDS OR LESS WITH APPROPRIATE AND SPECIFIC DIRECTION TO THE ORIGINAL CONTENT.

Day 43: I Am Beautiful


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I am beautiful.

No really, I am beautiful.

I am not just saying, “I am beautiful”.

I meant it, I am beautiful.

 

I am not beautiful alone due to the color of my skin.

I am not beautiful alone due to the contours of my face.

I am not beautiful alone due to the hues in my eyes.

I am not beautiful alone due to the curves of my hips.

My curvatures do make me sexy, but not beautiful.

 

I am beautiful, because my heart is pure.

I am beautiful, because my soul is lithe.

I am beautiful, because my words are serene.

I am beautiful, because my thoughts are motivational.

I am beautiful, because my tongue is inspirational.

 

I am beautiful.

No really, I am beautiful.

I am not just saying, “I am beautiful”.

I meant it, I am beautiful.

 

I am not beautiful alone due to the declarations of others.

I am not beautiful alone due to the color in my cheeks.

I am not beautiful alone due to my locks of hair.

I am not beautiful alone due to the bounciness of my breasts.

The bounciness in my breasts do make me exterior more attractive, but not beautiful.

 

I am beautiful, because I monitor what I spiritually eat.

I am beautiful, because I hold no malicious intentions against anyone.

I am beautiful, because I uplift even when I need to downshift.

I am beautiful, because even in acts of defense the goal is security and not annihilation.

 

I am beautiful.

No really, I am beautiful.

I am not just saying, “I am beautiful”.

I meant it, I am beautiful.

 

Are you?

 

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The  “Day 43: I Am Beautiful” (text) by EYHCS published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

©EYHCS AND THE LATEST WORD, 2016. UNAUTHORIZED USE AND/OR DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO YOUTUBE VIDEOS, PAPERS, AND OTHER ORIGINAL WORKS OF ART WITHOUT EXPRESS AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THIS BLOG’S AUTHOR AND/OR OWNER IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. EXCERPTS, LINKS, IMAGES THAT ARE THE COURTESY OF INDULGY.COM WITHIN POSTS UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED MAY BE USED, PROVIDED THAT FULL AND CLEAR CREDIT IS GIVEN TO EYHCS AND 15 WORDS OR LESS WITH APPROPRIATE AND SPECIFIC DIRECTION TO THE ORIGINAL CONTENT.